so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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