I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
did i just pee glitter
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
