Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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