She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
