that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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