I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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