i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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