His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
