is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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