you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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