if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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