the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
