Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
