I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
