just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
