last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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