he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
