Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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