It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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