Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
