How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize