I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
