I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
