i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
