I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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