what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
