covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
