Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
