Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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