I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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