Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
