i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
