I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
