I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
