nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
