I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
