I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
