I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
