So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
