Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
