so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
