1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
