i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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