Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
