Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
