I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
