I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Actions speak louder than pants.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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