Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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