Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
