We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
