his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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