I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
