You don't have asthma, your pregnant
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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