Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
