I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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