I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
