its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
