I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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