she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
