Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
