I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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