okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
