I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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