Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
