No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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