you have to choose: penises or morals?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
