The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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