whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
