Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
