i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
