i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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