Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
